yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
