i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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