he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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