I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
