we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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