Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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