i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
