My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
