I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize