Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The struggles of a small town man whore
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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