Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I supernannyed him into submission
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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