I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
