Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
