Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
