You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
