have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
