how can u be prego again
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
