She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize