I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
