How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize