ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
