My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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