The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have so many feelings about this burrito
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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