i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
