dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize