but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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