I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
