eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
