your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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