tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
