my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
