discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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