I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
