May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
