Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
