last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
