I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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