please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
