don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize