i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
