Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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