what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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