I cannot find my penis.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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