oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
