My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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