Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
