he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
