apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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