dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
