yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I skipped work to stalk him.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
