i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
