so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
