I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
