He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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