if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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