So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
