I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
