Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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