today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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