there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
