AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The air was thick with penises
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
