i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you win again, gameday.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize