Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
