if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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