I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
