oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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