He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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