Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
