I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize