I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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