Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
