Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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