So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
