dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So many bounce houses so little time
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
