Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
