Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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