Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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