Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
