Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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