did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
