take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
