So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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