k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
