Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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