You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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