I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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