if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
