You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
