You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just pee around me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize