How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
