why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
