The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have so many feelings about this burrito
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize