Having a random hookup so left but love u
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
