Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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