i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
