if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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