Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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