she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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