one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
