me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
