This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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