Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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