I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
