Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
