Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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